And so, in staying in tune with current events for the website and tv appearances, I have come to realize that there are countless puns and double entendres available in the Tiger Woods Story.
Who knew golf had so many opportunities for sexual innuendo?!?
Case in point: some selected NY Post covers from the Tiger Woods story:
My fascination with the SkyRest Pillow and all things Skymall has led me to discover a VERY funny guy.
His name is Mike Barish... believe it or not, I was introduced to him by the Sky Mall people. We both have a bizarre obsession with the same pillow... but he has turned his into a fantastic photo essay of sorts.
Check out the whole thing at his site.
But really?? Why the pancakes?
One might argue, I wouldn't be blogging about Dan Lacey if it weren't for the pancakes.
There's an interview with him here. Sadly it offers no insight into the damn pancakes.
Here's a sample.
Not only does Steven Tyler look like your grandmother, he also looks like Janice Dickinson when you wake up at 7am and realize you went to bed with her! Walk of shame, indeed.
Check out their full list at the link above!
More and more 'real' people seem to be into making videos with dancing and singing and the shaking their asses and whatnot.
There's something endlessly amusing to me about people who can't dance, but fearlessly do anyway. This video has received more than 2.4 million hits world-wide-web-wide, and while it's not exactly Fosse, it's for a good cause, kinda fun, and you can't deny the song is certainly catchy. (You'll probably already know the song.)
"I've bet we've been together for a million years... and I'll bet you'll be a lesbian for a million more..."
The always lovely and entertaining Meredith Baxter, formerly Meredith Baxter Birney until she divorced her husband David, has decided late in life that not only is she over David, she's over men altogether.
Baxter bravely admitted on the Today Show that she is a lesbian.
Read more at The National Enquirer.com
Tiger woods, you know the rest blah blah car accident, blah blah gorgeous wife but still suspected of having multiple affairs, seems pretty much busted in a voicemail he left for one of his alleged mistresses.
USweekly.com has the voicemail right here
He's gonna have his own one of these handed to him over this.
A future Mrs. Hulk Hogan is in the works...
I'm sorry -but if someone ever told me that Hulk Hogan would be getting this many headlines in the year 2009, I truly wouldn't believe them. I would have filed them under the category of 'millennium bug conspiracy theorists' and those people who think Elvis is still alive.
Check it out here.
Liza Minelli looks great! Oh ... sorry. Adam Looks Great!
Let's face it - musicians love to press our buttons... remember when Sinead O'Connor ripped up a photo of the Pope? Or when Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunctioned? This is hardly a new phenomenon.
Interestingly enough, at 8pm on virtually every channel, there are commercials for prescription drugs that talk about maintaining an erection, or lubricant that makes people moan and scream.
I suppose if you are going to be offended about this, there's little you can do to change that.
Yes, TV is a wild, unpredictable, often shocking medium. If you want to always be understimlated, you might consider books, or simply avoiding awards shows.
Fun video clip below:
Even when something is computer generated, it can still be shocking and upsetting to watch.
This Muppet Version of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' is currently the most searched, sent and clicked viral video on the web.
It's not to be missed. I also appreciate the cleverness of using Animal to just ramble "Mama" over all the lyrics involving "I just killed a man, put a gun up to his head, pulled the trigger now he's dead" blah dee blah.
'Even I can't believe how rich I am!'
Oprah's packing up her syndicated show bags (in 2011) and moving... but not far.
Ask anybody - ask her dog, for crying out loud, and they'll tell you that she's more than likely going to set up shop at her own network, which not so coincidentally will have launched earlier in 2010.
Her world domination continues...
I know there is nothing funny about this story. But it defies explanation.
Diane Schuler was this woman in New York who allegedly drove drunk and killed eight people in a wrong-way crash. She too was killed. Horrific tragedy.
Her family, who contends she was NOT high or drunk when she was killed, is being sued... and their lawyer contends that Diane could NOT have been drunk or high! Why? She gave a VERY COMPLICATED order at the McDonalds Drive Thru just before the crash.
Um. Yes. That's right.
The attorney says that she ordered chicken selects during breakfast time - which ANY McDonalds connoisseur, (moi) can tell you they don't sell in the morning. BUT the lawyer says Diane KNEW that... and the fact that she was lucid enough to beg for the chicken selects is proof enough she wasn't trippin.'
Where is Matlock when you need him?
The full story HERE.
I met Dakota Fanning while doing a shoot on the set of "Dreamer" - when she was, as they say, knee high to a grasshopper or something. She was charming and articulate, and obviously a gifted actress. How come she is growing up and I remain ageless?
Wanna have dinner? You're buyin.'
How many cars Nic Cage had: 22.
How many cars you need: 1 or 2.
How many yachts Nic Cage reportedly had: 4
How many yachts you need: probably none, but let's go with 1.
How many castles Nic Cage had: 2
How many castles ... oh you get the idea.
Most of us never come into this kind of money. While fantasizing about winning the lottery, I always tell myself I'll never become one of those sad stories about the person who just didn't know how to manage all that wealth and pissed it all away.
Nic Cage won the career lottery, and he has become that person.
Read about it everywhere. Or at CNN.
Thankfully, Charo is more than capable of entertaining folks with her incredible Flamenco Guitar talents... don't count her out!
Because everyone loves an encore - the Couric Interview...
Watch CBS News Videos Online
"I like to keep these cats in my dresser."
The way Chris Cuomo says "Cat Ladies" (with a straight face nonetheless) is enough to make you wet yourself. But it only gets better from there.
A few of my favorite lines from the intro are only done justice when you watch the link!
"What happens when a love of feline friends grows out of control???"
"Filmmaker Kristi Callan Jones shined a light on the often shadowy lives of self professed cat ladies." "They feel the only way to cope is with cats... LOTS and LOTS of cats..."
I find this cat obsession fascinating because in my experience, Cats tend to behave like they could totally go on without you.
I could have used a flattering photo, but you understand.
Michael Lohan, the poster child for fatherhood (although he has competition in Jon Gosselin and Richard Heene) and papa to Lindsay, could land himself in jail again.
Mr. Lohan apparently taped telephone conversations he had with ex-wife, parenting expert Dina Lohan about Lilo. (Of course, class act Michael leaked the tapes.) Sadly, on top of just being downright narsty, it was in violation of a restraining order. Now, I knows what you're thinking - how? Thing is, the order included any phone contact with Dina, who could potentially see the calls as harassment.
The calls include rumors about Lindsay cutting and hurting herself, as well as a fling with Heath Ledger. (What???)
It can sometimes be easy to be snarky on a report like this, but more than anything it's just plain sad. Lindsay is clearly going through some issues of her own, and with parents like these, it's not so shocking...
TMZ got reax from Lindsay - who takes a deserved diss at her dad.
"What's your question again? I want to make sure I efficiently dodge it..."
The LA Times has the lowdown and first clips of Sarah Palin's interview with Oprah, which is fresh from Oprah's oven and will be brought to the table on Monday.
Opting for her luxurious tresses to be worn down, rather than in her signature (and Tina Fey replicated) up-do, Palin did her usual dance around questions, particularly when it comes to whether Levi Johnston will be invited over for Thanksgiving.
"That's a good question," she said. One which she never did actually answer.
Oprah also asked about her seminal interview with Katie Couric... which, in my opinion, marked the decline of the McCain Palin ticket... It's one thing to dance around the question of Thanksgiving dinner, but quite another to hedge on your approach to foreign policy.
Enjoy the rich Oprah goodness...
I'll walk off ... I mean it...
There are some people who can't seem to open their mouths without sparking another controversy. And so, Miss Carrie Prejean is at it again...
The Former Miss California is now headlining in her own sextape... shot by her ex-boyfriend back when she was twenty years old... (although she was hoping we'd fall for 17, since it would make her a minor at the time, and therefore prevent most people from seeing it.)
Note to the young kids of the world: Try to find someone who can honestly say: "I'm so glad I made that sex tape." It's harder to find than Dolly Parton's natural hair.
The San Francisco Gate has every clip you need on this one...
Turns out Carrie isn't so good at fielding questions regarding her settlement with the Miss USA organization... on Larry King Live the other night, when Larry asked about her decision to settle, she could only repeat, ad nauseum, 'That's very inappropriate, Larry..."
While the question was anything BUT offbase, clearly she doesn't know inappropriate when she sees it, or she wouldn't have made the sex tape in the first place!!
(Long ago there were things called "documentaries" that tried to capture real moments and real stories...)
I'll get off the soap box now. I'm as much a viewer of the campy deliciousness that is 'reality' television. But when it collides to horrifically with the things I want to believe, it turns me on my ear.
Thank you for removing a tremendous burden from my life.
Gone are the tiresome days spent picking up my dirty laundry and cleaning it.
Thanks to your product, I can "wash" an entire room with Febreze!!
Moms can take comfort in knowing that those crusty socks at the end of their teen's bed just need a quick spray, and they're good as new!
PS - Women everywhere are looking forward to your douche.
Liz Taylor Update: She's Having Surgery, Still Wears Blue Eye Shadow, And Uses her Twitter Account More Than Most Of Us.
Enough of you ladies that are doing the 'sexy kitten,' 'sexy bunny,' 'sexy mental-ward patient' (I'm serious! click the link!) or 'sexy afterbirth', or whatever you young kids like to dress up as nowadays.
With that out of the way, take a good gander at the wig offered by buycostumes.com this season.
Who said a halloween costume company can't make some social commentary! More important than the Kate Gosselin-like wig itself is its name! You're right, buycostumes copy editor... Eight IS too much!
Shout out to future blogger JB for spotting this gem.
I mean - the past few years have been tough - remember when she was photographed in a swimsuit from 'down below,' and the photo revealed - of all things - what appeared to be cellulite? For those who judge - have you been to a walmart lately? Mischa could spooning cellulite into her coffee and she wouldn't be as appalling as some of the visions you'll see shopping around there.
Now her show, "The Beautiful Life" has been cancelled after two episodes, and some of the gossip mongers are dancing on her grave. I wish they'd just stop.
ps - I saw her on Christopher street the other day and she looked pretty good.
Apparently, people were equally sauced up at the New York Times.
In this video from bigthink.com, author Gay Talese describes the liquor-drenched newsrooms of The Times in the sixties—where men passed out on typewriters, and no one was quite sure just how the paper actually got out.
Can we bring those days back?
By clicking here you can see him, um, riding an ATV, and, um, smoking a cigarette.
I think it's official, the story has petered out.
It's a baby dancing to "Single Ladies" and it truly is hilarious.
And while this video has shot to more than a quarter of a million views in a few days, this is not a new concept for the youtube set... in fact, as evidenced below, babies dancing... specifically to Beyonce, is somewhat of a trend!
The big video first, followed by some more. The older these children get the more disturbing it is that they can shake their asses so effectively.
Parents be forwarned!
Who wore it best? Victoria Rowell... (above) or... Oh wait, no one else wore this.
The Boston Globe reports on an experiment, (or SEXperiment, har har) where some MIT students tried to develop gaydar for the social networking world.
In summary, a study mixed in with some hyperbole and a computer program of some sort, took a look at a person's Facebook friends, and with a pretty good deal of accuracy, were able to tell if the person was gay or straight.
OKAY - is this so shocking? I mean, if a guy has 200 guy friends, many of the profile pictures showcasing pecs and abs, surrounded by throngs of other men, an occasional circuit party, and the column "Interested in: Men" is clearly checked... I would say that's a safe assumption.
This year - tragedy struck Miss Burke. She got paired with the hopelessly uncoordinated, conservative values toutin', pants-too-high-wearin' Tom DeLay.
This is not a political commentary. Let's be honest, Cheryl Burke is only famous when this show is on the air. And when it's on the air, she's only famous when she's in the running! Do you think Cheryl Burke could walk into an Olive Garden and be recognized any other time? Actually, that's a bad example. (Olive Garden patrons eat and watch TV alot.) Instead, do you think Cheryl Burke could walk into the Ritz Carlton and be recognized any other time?
But I digress.
Let's just say, Miss Burke ain't gonna be dancin' with no stars for much longer this season. I hope she kept her second job at the Arthur Miller dance studio or wherever else she spends her time.
They've been taking a survey among visitors to ask who they think should replace Diane... and check out the frontrunner!
Ashleigh Banfield is leading the pack!
Haven't you always wanted to play casting agent? Do it yourself and vote...
Poll: Round Four: Your Pick for the new GMA Co-Anchor
They find the best clips - usually from old VHS instructional tapes - around. This one defies explanation. To me, the funniest stuff doesn't make sense.
Watch this video, and you've avoided becoming just another statistic.
In any case, Paula Abdul was performing "Straight Up" last night on Divas Live, and almost lost her ability to stand straight up. The clip, below:
I went to lunch with a good friend once at a spot where there was a big dip in the sidewalk ... A spot where I had previously seen a bunch of people stumble before. I warned him that there was about a 110 percent chance that we would witness someone taking a spill if we sat there, so brace yourself. Sure enough, someone tripped. He was mortified and felt bad for them. I was in a predicament, because now if I chuckled I would basically be a horrible person - and never is it more difficult to laugh than when you know you're not supposed to. Now when I see someone fall I think of my mom and how I would be upset if she fell. So now I don't laugh so much.
Except in the case of Paula Abdul.
This takes product placement to a whole different level.
From 'best week ever'
In any case, she's talking to Allure magazine about the issue, saying it's frustrating that people can't seem to put it out of their heads.
I understand her frustration. What most people don't realize is that when an actor or actress walks the red carpet, they all want THE BYTE where she refers to it. As a result, about 30 entertainment reporters will ask the very SAME question. (There is really only so much you can ask a celeb beyond who are they dating, what are they wearing, etc... it actually gets on MORE vapid and mindless from there!)
Perhaps most frustrating is that she never meant for it to be for public consumption:
ps - I remember when there wasn't an internet trail to follow you around forever. Ah, the good old days!
In detail, Whitney describes the ways in which she smoked pot and took cocaine (She actually had to lean in to describe what you have to do to lace joints with crack.)
She also talks about locking herself in her room, doing drugs, watching tv, and listening to gospel music.
Among the more humiliating moments in her union... when Bobby Brown spit in her face.
It was a horrifically dysfunctional marriage that lasted 14 years.
More to come... just about everywhere you read.
If you compare the actual video and her MTV performance, you'll notice that they cut Janet out of the video itself - so to better re-create the look of her dancing with Michael. It all happened pretty fast, and we were all still stupified by Madonna's narcissistic "I'm the closest living thing to Michael Jackson" moment, that if you didn't really think about it, you might not have noticed.
Video on the left, and last night's performance on the right. (I'm sure you needed the explainer.)
>Scream video HERE.
Here's how it went down:
MTV VMA'S. Early on. Madonna had already told us how everything relates back to her, in this case, the death of Michael Jackson.
Time for one of the first awards, Best Female Video, which in a big upset went to Taylor Swift instead of Beyonce and God knows who else. Kanye West, in his usual decorum, jumped on stage and says: “Taylor, I’m really happy for you, and I’m gonna let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.”
Ms. Swift looked heartbroken and speechless. The crowd began to boo.
Then, the directors foolishly cut away to some dumb sketch involving Tracy Morgan. (It might have been good over time, but it's momentum was totally squashed by the real life drama that was happening.)
Later, when Beyonce won an award, she called Swift out to have a proper speech, the audience roared, and everyone is in love with Taylor Swift even more than they were before.
(And Beyonce was a total class act, as expected. She rocked her live performance.)
Kanye, who was booed every time his name was mentioned, has apologized on his blog. And yet he still mystifies me.
To quote an average MTV Viewer: WhatEVER.
Oren Lavie's "Her Morning Elegance" is a great example of a song I appreciate even more because of the brilliant music video. Give it a few seconds and you're in.
- POP GOES THE WEEK HAS MOVED!
- Tiger Woods As Told by the New York Post
- Funny Guy: Mike Barish
- Help Me Understand: The Skymall Catalog
- Al Roker Has A Stalker - A Funny One!
- Is It Just Me?
- Why Is Dan Lacey Obsessed With Pancakes?
- PopHangover.com Nails it!
- Is It Just Me?
- Real People Dancing And Smiling for A Good Cause
- This is What We've Become
- Say WHAT? Family Ties' Meredith Baxter Comes out o...
- Tiger Caught On Tape!
- Tiger ReEnactment Not To Be Missed!
- Hulk Hogan Getting Married! America Didn't Know He...
- Adam Opens Up
- Sesame Street's Swipe at Fox News
- Disturbing And Powerful
- Too Awesome Not To Post
- Oprah's Next Move
- The "Chicken Selects Defense"
- Dakota - Why is She Growing Up While I Remain Agel...
- This is How Many Dollars Nic Cage Has Now:
- Wishing Charo a Cuchi Cuchi Quickie Recovery!!
- When Does She Technically Begin "Going Rogue"?
- Sex Tape Shocker! On HLN
- Today's "Head's Up" - Extortion Plots Rarely Work
- The Only Way to Cope Is With Cats
- Hey, Michael Lohan! Remember jail? Ready for an En...
- If Levi Shows Up, He's Sitting At The Kids Table
- Carrie Wrote the Book on Inappropriate!!
- ► October (6)
- This Halloween Costume Ad Just About Sums It Up
- Viral Video Meets Design
- I Fear I Will Never Win New Yorker Cartoon Caption...
- Let's Give Mischa Barton A Break
- Ah, The Good Old Days of Being Drunk At The New Yo...
- Jon Gosselin Rides ATV, Smokes A Cigarette
- American Idol Alum Justin Guarini To Wed: World Co...
- TREND WATCH: Making Your Baby Dance to Beyonce
- Who Wore It Best?
- Facebook Knows You're Gay!
- Somewhere, Cheryl Burke Cried Tonight
- Who's The Next GMA Host?
- Tree Falls are the 129th Leading Cause of Death In...
- You Be The Judge: Is Paula Abdul A Mess?
- Paula Can't Stand "Straight Up"
- I Feel Dirty
- Vanessa Opens Up
- Work Those Arms!
- Today's Must See Video: Literal Translation of "To...
- Patrick Swayze Loses His Battle With Cancer
- Whitney Like You've Never Heard Her Before
- A Closer Look: Janet's "Scream" Performance
- Taylor's Night Goes from Great, to Lousy, To Great...
- Must See Video: Oren Lavie's "Her Morning Elegance...
- The New "Papa John"
- File Under: Holy Crap You Have To Watch This - Wil...
- Serena Williams Suggests Invasive Throat Procedure...
- Raise Your Hand if Your Mom Threatened To Have You...
- ▼ December (16)
- Brian Balthazar
- I'm a Journalist and standup comic. I create and appear in television and web media. I've been seen on NBC, MSNBC, United Airlines in flight TV. (and some other more unusual fodder, including a 'how-to' video where I teach people how to wrap glassware for moving...I mean, really - it's essentially rolling glasses in paper... you can't make that stuff up!) I own more than two hundred cookbooks, but use the same five all the time, and even those are often abandoned in favor of epicurious.com. I design art and interiors for both friends and actual clients. I've spoken to Major Universities and NYC corporations about media and publicity. I am embarassed by many of the songs on my IPOD, and can't resist a Nacho flavored Slim Jim. I drink up to eight diet cokes a day.