This Halloween Costume Ad Just About Sums It Up

First of all - the number one rule of Halloween is that train wrecks make the best costumes!
Enough of you ladies that are doing the 'sexy kitten,' 'sexy bunny,' 'sexy mental-ward patient' (I'm serious! click the link!) or 'sexy afterbirth', or whatever you young kids like to dress up as nowadays.

With that out of the way, take a good gander at the wig offered by buycostumes.com this season.
Who said a halloween costume company can't make some social commentary! More important than the Kate Gosselin-like wig itself is its name! You're right, buycostumes copy editor... Eight IS too much!

Kate would probably agree with you.

In closing - can you imagine having a hairstyle so uniquely narsty that they make a wig after you?
Shout out to future blogger JB for spotting this gem.

Coming soon: a roundup of the most ridonkulous costume ideas this season!!!

Viral Video Meets Design

The newest video to climb the viral video charts is pretty incredible - taking street art to a new level...

Take a look. Awesome.

I Fear I Will Never Win New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I think I'm a relatively funny guy. Then why is it that when I click on the site to try my hand at captioning one of The New Yorker's HIGH-larious cartoons, (ahem) my mind always draws a blank?

I'm stumped.

Let's Give Mischa Barton A Break

I know it seems kind of popular to relish in the dramatic life of Mischa Barton - but can I ask WHY? Can we leave this woman alone for a while?

I mean - the past few years have been tough - remember when she was photographed in a swimsuit from 'down below,' and the photo revealed - of all things - what appeared to be cellulite? For those who judge - have you been to a walmart lately? Mischa could spooning cellulite into her coffee and she wouldn't be as appalling as some of the visions you'll see shopping around there.

Now her show, "The Beautiful Life" has been cancelled after two episodes, and some of the gossip mongers are dancing on her grave. I wish they'd just stop.

ps - I saw her on Christopher street the other day and she looked pretty good.

Ah, The Good Old Days of Being Drunk At The New York Times and NBC

Back in the 'olden' days at NBC News, (don't you dare say ten years ago) there used to be a bar on the corner of 30 Rock... right at at sixth avenue and 49th street. In the bar there was a phone line that ran down from the NBC News New York Bureau right to the watering hole... so, say, if there were some sort of drug sting, or riot, or whatever, the phone would ring, and the most sober person in the room would answer the phone to determine what news was happening and how it would be covered. That bar was closed decades ago. Today, my friends, that bar is now a Magnolia Cupcake shop. Now, I like cupcakes as much as anyone else, but I sure wish I worked at NBC during those days.

Apparently, people were equally sauced up at the New York Times.

In this video from bigthink.com, author Gay Talese describes the liquor-drenched newsrooms of The Times in the sixties—where men passed out on typewriters, and no one was quite sure just how the paper actually got out.

Can we bring those days back?


Jon Gosselin Rides ATV, Smokes A Cigarette

I'm not even being ironic. This is the actual headline updating us on the latest from Jon Gosselin.

By clicking here you can see him, um, riding an ATV, and, um, smoking a cigarette.

I think it's official, the story has petered out.


American Idol Alum Justin Guarini To Wed: World Collectively Yawns

In a story that should instead be titled "Justin Guarini Can Afford a Publicist, And Said Publicist Has Sent Out A News Release In Dire Hope Someone Will Notice," Justin Guarini is getting married.
USMAGAZINE.com has learned that he and his lady friend will be getting htched on Saturday.

61st Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

It's more than a hairstyle. It's a lifestyle.

TREND WATCH: Making Your Baby Dance to Beyonce

There is a new home video exploding on the internet right now.
It's a baby dancing to "Single Ladies" and it truly is hilarious.
And while this video has shot to more than a quarter of a million views in a few days, this is not a new concept for the youtube set... in fact, as evidenced below, babies dancing... specifically to Beyonce, is somewhat of a trend!

The big video first, followed by some more. The older these children get the more disturbing it is that they can shake their asses so effectively.
Parents be forwarned!


Who Wore It Best?

61st Primetime Emmy Awards arrivals

Who wore it best? Victoria Rowell... (above) or... Oh wait, no one else wore this.

I KNOW WHAT YOUR THINKING: after saying to yourself "WHAT?" You're saying - "Who's Victoria Rowell?? She's an actress best known for 'The Young And The Restless" and that old Dick Van Dyke show "Diagnosis Murder." Now she's known for this bad idea of a dress.

Facebook Knows You're Gay!

Gay Pride Weekend In London

This man might be gay. I can't be sure.

The Boston Globe reports on an experiment, (or SEXperiment, har har) where some MIT students tried to develop gaydar for the social networking world.

In summary, a study mixed in with some hyperbole and a computer program of some sort, took a look at a person's Facebook friends, and with a pretty good deal of accuracy, were able to tell if the person was gay or straight.

OKAY - is this so shocking? I mean, if a guy has 200 guy friends, many of the profile pictures showcasing pecs and abs, surrounded by throngs of other men, an occasional circuit party, and the column "Interested in: Men" is clearly checked... I would say that's a safe assumption.

The lesson here is: If you're gay, you probably know it. But if you're not, and you have hundreds of gay facebook friends, you're gay.

Somewhere, Cheryl Burke Cried Tonight

So Cheryl Burke has been one of the big "Dancing With The Stars" professionals for years now - almost always getting her celeb to the finals.

Walt Disney Studios D23 Expo - Day 1
Cheryl's gotta be bummin' - and not because of these bangs - which appear to be about 8 inches long. Really?

This year - tragedy struck Miss Burke. She got paired with the hopelessly uncoordinated, conservative values toutin', pants-too-high-wearin' Tom DeLay.

This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

This is not a political commentary. Let's be honest, Cheryl Burke is only famous when this show is on the air. And when it's on the air, she's only famous when she's in the running! Do you think Cheryl Burke could walk into an Olive Garden and be recognized any other time? Actually, that's a bad example. (Olive Garden patrons eat and watch TV alot.) Instead, do you think Cheryl Burke could walk into the Ritz Carlton and be recognized any other time?

But I digress.
Let's just say, Miss Burke ain't gonna be dancin' with no stars for much longer this season. I hope she kept her second job at the Arthur Miller dance studio or wherever else she spends her time.

Who's The Next GMA Host?

So over at tvnewser.com, a site frequently visited by legitimate media types (and the media wannabes that love them, and, well, wanna be them) they are following Diane Sawyer's departure from Good Morning America pretty closely.

They've been taking a survey among visitors to ask who they think should replace Diane... and check out the frontrunner!

Fifth Annual National Love Our Children Day

Meredith Vieira and Ashleigh Banfield - Future Competitors?

Ashleigh Banfield is leading the pack!

Haven't you always wanted to play casting agent? Do it yourself and vote...

Poll: Round Four: Your Pick for the new GMA Co-Anchor

Tree Falls are the 129th Leading Cause of Death In This Country!

If you haven't visited "Everything Is Terrible" - then run, don't walk...
They find the best clips - usually from old VHS instructional tapes - around. This one defies explanation. To me, the funniest stuff doesn't make sense.

Watch this video, and you've avoided becoming just another statistic.


You Be The Judge: Is Paula Abdul A Mess?

The answer is in front of you.

Paula Can't Stand "Straight Up"

There is no better example of Shadenfreude than the inexplicable glee you sometimes feel when you see someone trip. (And sometimes, all out fall.) Why is that?

In any case, Paula Abdul was performing "Straight Up" last night on Divas Live, and almost lost her ability to stand straight up. The clip, below:

I went to lunch with a good friend once at a spot where there was a big dip in the sidewalk ... A spot where I had previously seen a bunch of people stumble before. I warned him that there was about a 110 percent chance that we would witness someone taking a spill if we sat there, so brace yourself. Sure enough, someone tripped. He was mortified and felt bad for them. I was in a predicament, because now if I chuckled I would basically be a horrible person - and never is it more difficult to laugh than when you know you're not supposed to. Now when I see someone fall I think of my mom and how I would be upset if she fell. So now I don't laugh so much.

Except in the case of Paula Abdul.


I Feel Dirty

But not as dirty as David Canary does in this episode of All My Children.
This takes product placement to a whole different level.

From 'best week ever'

Vanessa Opens Up

Vanessa Hudgens has up to now been rather mum about the subject of her past nude photo scandal. (Or is it scandals now? I can't keep up... Oh wait... it's my JOB to keep up. Nevermind.)

Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Greene Shop till they drop in Vancovuer
Nice clothes! I think I'll wear things like this the next time someone points a camera phone at me and says it's just between us!

In any case, she's talking to Allure magazine about the issue, saying it's frustrating that people can't seem to put it out of their heads.

I understand her frustration. What most people don't realize is that when an actor or actress walks the red carpet, they all want THE BYTE where she refers to it. As a result, about 30 entertainment reporters will ask the very SAME question. (There is really only so much you can ask a celeb beyond who are they dating, what are they wearing, etc... it actually gets on MORE vapid and mindless from there!)

Perhaps most frustrating is that she never meant for it to be for public consumption:
"It's just really unfortunate, and to this day people hate me for it, but it's not like I chose to put that out there in the world, you know?"It's so aggravating and frustrating, and whenever anybody asks me, would I do nudity in a film, if I say that it's something I'm not comfortable with, they're like, 'Bulls**t, you've already done it'. "
** That said, a lesson for the rest of us - Google is forever! So pose for pictures wisely!
ps - I remember when there wasn't an internet trail to follow you around forever. Ah, the good old days!

Work Those Arms!

This is almost too easy. It bears no comment from me.

Enjoy. It airs on television, so it's safe for work - and yet - it's eerily oncomfortable watching it here.


Patrick Swayze Loses His Battle With Cancer

The Associated Press is reporting that Patrick Swayze, the chiseled actor who rose to stardom with his performance in "Dirty Dancing" has died after battling pancreatic cancer. He was 57.

Born in 1952, he fought the stigma of being an athletic kid who wanted to dance. His mom was a dance instructor who owned a dance studio. It's there where he met his wife, Lisa Niemi. He married her when he was just 23 years old.

While he continued working into his illness, tabloid magazines often followed his decline.
He and his wife were reportedly writing a memoir.

Keeping Mum Premiere - Arrivals

He was with his family when he passed.
Rest in peace, Patrick...

Whitney Like You've Never Heard Her Before

Oprah's premiere episode just ended, part one of two hours in depth with Whitney Houston.

In detail, Whitney describes the ways in which she smoked pot and took cocaine (She actually had to lean in to describe what you have to do to lace joints with crack.)
She also talks about locking herself in her room, doing drugs, watching tv, and listening to gospel music.

Among the more humiliating moments in her union... when Bobby Brown spit in her face.
It was a horrifically dysfunctional marriage that lasted 14 years.

More to come... just about everywhere you read.


A Closer Look: Janet's "Scream" Performance

Janet really brought it at the VMA's - but if you look closely, so did a great technical team.

If you compare the actual video and her MTV performance, you'll notice that they cut Janet out of the video itself - so to better re-create the look of her dancing with Michael. It all happened pretty fast, and we were all still stupified by Madonna's narcissistic "I'm the closest living thing to Michael Jackson" moment, that if you didn't really think about it, you might not have noticed.

Video on the left, and last night's performance on the right. (I'm sure you needed the explainer.)

All-in-all it was a really incredible performance on all counts.

>MTV's Michael Jackson tribute HERE.

>Scream video HERE.

The images are the property of the Jackson Estate and MTV. I hope you'll kindly not sue me! I'm trying to give some props here!

Taylor's Night Goes from Great, to Lousy, To Great Again! Kanye Still A Jerk

Here's how it went down:

MTV VMA'S. Early on. Madonna had already told us how everything relates back to her, in this case, the death of Michael Jackson.

Time for one of the first awards, Best Female Video, which in a big upset went to Taylor Swift instead of Beyonce and God knows who else. Kanye West, in his usual decorum, jumped on stage and says: “Taylor, I’m really happy for you, and I’m gonna let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.”

Ms. Swift looked heartbroken and speechless. The crowd began to boo.
Then, the directors foolishly cut away to some dumb sketch involving Tracy Morgan. (It might have been good over time, but it's momentum was totally squashed by the real life drama that was happening.)

Later, when Beyonce won an award, she called Swift out to have a proper speech, the audience roared, and everyone is in love with Taylor Swift even more than they were before.

(And Beyonce was a total class act, as expected. She rocked her live performance.)

Kanye, who was booed every time his name was mentioned, has apologized on his blog. And yet he still mystifies me.

To quote an average MTV Viewer: WhatEVER.

Must See Video: Oren Lavie's "Her Morning Elegance"

Oren Lavie's "Her Morning Elegance" is a great example of a song I appreciate even more because of the brilliant music video. Give it a few seconds and you're in.

> For more on Oren, Check out www.orenlavie.com/

The New "Papa John"

Mama Can't Buy You Love... but Papa John will sure try!

According to the BBC, 62-year-old Elton John has announced he will adopt a 14 month-old Ukrainian boy.

I'm all for adoption, but by the time this child is 18, Elton will more than 80 years old!!
If you're looking for an heir or something, I'm available!


File Under: Holy Crap You Have To Watch This - William Shatner Brings Back Romance

Watch until the very last second. There's a surprise ending.

A few things:
1) Um... What?
2) Um... What????
3) I actually hear that music in my head when I kiss people too.

I'm disappointed that the clip ends so suddenly. I would give anything to see what happens next.

Serena Williams Suggests Invasive Throat Procedure For Line Judge

“If I could, I would take this ... ball and shove it down your ... throat,”

US Open Day 13

Ouch! It was day thirteen of the 2009 US Open, and Serena was NOT having a certain call by a certain line judge.

Check the article out at bloomberg.com - and the video here:

But before you click - can we discuss this?

US Open Day 13

Hoop earrings? Is that practical??


Raise Your Hand if Your Mom Threatened To Have You Arrested!!

Whitney Houston tapes live concert in Central Park for Good Morning America

Whitney's gonna be on Oprah Monday. She's gonna tell her all about it.

This is the Oprah show that Whitney blamed for the average performance she gave on Good Morning America,
so she must have talked a blue streak.

As if we didn't know from the horrific scenes on "Being Bobby Brown," things got pretty desperate.
Her mom Cissy showed up at her house with cops and basically laid it all on the line: You're coming with me,
or you're going to jail.
It's good to see Whit made the right choice.

Her new video for "I Look To You" is out. It's simple, which I think is pretty appropriate. Her voice sounds a little
wiser, not the same Whitney we've heard before. She's not exploiting her range. (Maybe it's not what it once was,
but I defy anyone to sing like her, regardless of her octave range.)

You can bet your ass I'm gonna be watching that Oprah.


I flossed with Posh once. I had something stuck in my teeth, and I just grabbed her arm and flossed with it. It totally worked.

Victoria Beckham leaving her hotel for a signing at Bergdorf Goodman in New York City

Good luck on reaching your birth weight!


George Michael's Monkey Business

George Michael performs the second night of his 25 Live Tour at Madison Square Garden

This is what the guy who arrested him wore!

George Michael is nominated for a VMA award tomorrow. Not for a new song... there's some cockamamie
(I've been saying cockamamie in conversation lately, but I assure you, I do so ironically.) award that gives shout-outs
to people who should have won an award years ago for a video they did 'back in the day'.
It's for his video "Freedom" which was pretty awesome back then, and is still pretty cool, what with all the
supermodels and such.

That said, instead I prefer to embed the video for "Monkey" which I'm sure he has filed under filed under the
category of "I can't believe I wore that... and that... oh and that."

I don't know when this video was made, as in, was he out of the closet at the time? But look at this outfit. I mean...

Forget the monkey on your back - get that hat off you too!

LaToya Jackson says "Blah blah blah blah"

I've been to enough open casket viewings to notice a common theme.
Attendees always seem to say: "They (the undertaker) did a really nice job. He/She looks great."
I almost ALWAYS disagree. They do not look great. They look dead. They look creepy.
And while I am indeed a fan of Michael Jackson's music, I have to imagine he didn't look too great either.

La Toya Jackson, however, disagrees with me.
She says her brother Michael looked "absolutely fabulous" when he was laid to rest last week.

FABULOUS? Really? Really? I'm gonna have to take your word for it. You yourself know how to put together a pretty fabulous outfit:

LaToya Jackson Dines WIth Larry King!

La Toya Jackson
There are so many possible captions for this photo I find it dizzying.

She spoke to Babs Walters on 20/20. It airs tonight at 10pm ET.
I can most certainly predict it will not disappoint. I cannot look away from her.


Beyond A Reasonable Doubt New York Premiere

Queer Eye for the Blind Guy

This is for the premiere of "Beyond a Reasonable Doubt" in NYC.

I try very hard not to be mean. I don't want to be hurtful... but I do have reasonable doubts about his intentions here.

Aniston: For The Last Freakin' Time: I'm Not Lonely!

Have you ever been somewhere, like a party - and your ex shows up? And while you think he or she is watching you, you pretend not to KNOW they're watching... and suddenly you're all smiles, every joke is ten times funnier... you're all like: "I've never had so much fun being single and without my ex who's across the room!" Jennifer Aniston has been put in the unfortunate position of being 'that girl.'

Jennifer Aniston gets handcuffed by Gerard Butler on the set of The Bounty in NYC

I'm NOT MISERABLE, dammit!

She's rich, she's hot, she's funny - and yet - damn, she can't escape being the 'lonely girl.' It turns out she agrees with me. She tell's E! that she's a little amused (read: annoyed) by being portrayed as the proverbial Debbie Downer lonely lady. (My words, not hers. Read the interview so you get the real deal.)

She also tells Fox News that's she's taking a break from showbiz. Until ... JANUARY! Oh my God! That's like TWO WEEKS in Hollywood time! I mean - I thought they all took four month breaks between films anyway.

She's already got a film in post production so we're not likely to notice. Not to mention the tabloids will probably still take pictures of her buying groceries. (It's true! Stars are just like US!)


Boyle-ing Hot!

This just in! Susan Boyle is bigger than the Beatles!

**UK PAPERS OUT** Susan Boyle heads away from her luxury Edinburgh hotel to head to Newcastle for the next leg of the Britains Got Talent tour

Get thee to a "Dress Barn!" (I'm so sorry ... I couldn't help myself!)

I'll own up to it: I teared up when I saw the Susan Boyle video for the first time. I love seeing someone that everyone had written off rise to the top. And it seems she's still on the rise!

The New York Daily News reports that even though her upcoming album won't be released until November 24th, preorders have put her at the top of the Amazon best seller list!

This puts her above Whitney Houston's comeback album and The Beatles' remastered "Abbey Road" CD.

When Susan Boyle dreams a dream... she dreams BIG.


America's Got Talent - But it Won't Be in Berlin

David Hasselhoff out and about in NYC looking happy

Book David Hasselhoff once, shame on You... Book David Hasselhoff twice, shame on, well... YOU!

Tearing the wall down was progress. Inviting Hasselhoff to perform there a second time? Further evidence that Germany has some seriously bad judgement.

Contact Music is reporting that Actor/singer (?) DAVID HASSELHOFF is set to celebrate the anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall with what is certain to be a telethon-worthy performance.

The Baywatch star has enjoyed a devoted fan base in Germany... he actually performed there when the wall was torn down back in 1989.

Tyra Proves you DON'T Need a Wig - But You DO Need a Team of Stylists!

"Of course it costs a little more - hair stylist, makeup artist, manicurist, wardrobe coordinator... but I'm worth it!"

You know what? Beyond that, I'm not gonna come down hard on Tyra. I think she's sincere in her goal to empower women. So when she promised she was going to start this season with her real hair, I had to say "Rock on!" But I did think there was going to be some sort of catch.

Gawker had a nice rundown of how it went down. It would have been SO easy to just come out looking fabulous from the get-go, but instead she came out dripping wet.

(It easier to do this when you're a model, and despite all her crazy antics, I gotta say she's still gorgeous.)

So in short, she's still hot, and WE are still NOT in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model.
If only everyone could get a team of makeup and hair folks to help them get ready for the day.

Jon Gosselin Stunned... STUNNED at his poor public image!

Jon Gosselin hosts the Wet Republic pool party in Las Vegas

He can't even shut his mouth for photographs.

Reported just about everywhere, but broken by ABC News, Jon is at it again... claiming that essentially everyone but himself is to blame for his 'Dirtbag' coverboy status.
So what is he doing to repair his image? Saying he 'despises' his wife!'


Just another nugget his children will be able to google for eternity.

Here's a tip: Even Paris Hilton knew enough to say she was going to Ghana when everyone hated her. She never did go, if I recall correctly - but maybe Jon can! (Indefinitely!?)
But really - she knew enough to lay low for a while, then, eventually come forward and say she was sorry for being so shallow. Time passed, and If I'm not mistaken, she's sitting comfortably poolside right now.

Jon - zip it!


Focus Groups to Decide Paula Abdul's Fate, Rate Which Diet Cola Tastes More Like Regular Cola

According to an insider tipping off RadarOnline, Fox plans to use focus groups - the very same panels of folks who make weighty decisions like 'which chocolate sauce takes better,'' to determine whether Paula Abdul should be brought back on American Idol.

Hey mall walkers! Do you have 30 minutes to determine whether this woman deserves a job?

"Stay away from my purse! There's Klonopin in there!"
(celebrity impersonation)

Paula Abdul arrives back at Burbank airport

"Those pills were in the car when I got here!"
(Satirical impersonation)

MGM Grand Hires Negligent Husband and Father to Host Pool Party (Drew Peterson Wasn't Available)

For reasons I can't begin to understand, the MGM Grand in Las Vegas paid actual money for Jon Gosselin, who recently appeared on the cover of Life and Style Weekly with the headline "He's A Dirtbag" to host a pool party. In what is perhaps the smartest move he has made in recent weeks, Gosselin kept his shirt on.

PR Manual: When In Crisis: Dress The Part!

Dear Chris Brown,
Your interview with Larry King was a P.R. tour de force! A page ripped right from the book of image repair! Lesson one: Dress the part!

Try my gourmet popping corn!

Never have I been more convinced that Chris is a good guy.
But I can't blame you for trying ... Dressing for success is a pivotal part of sending out the right message. Par example:

Lil' Kim, who gave false testimony to a Grand Jury, clearly got the bowtie memo... Actually, maybe she wrote the bowtie memo! Her pasties set carefully aside on her bedside table, (or at the very least, under this blazer,) a pastel pink suit is a downright delicious outfit for appealing to a Federal Court judge!
The verdict - a year and a day in prison.

I'll have one scoop of tutti-frutti, and one scoop of mint chip.

Winona Ryder shoplifting trial:
Coat securely buttoned all the way up, check. Headband, check. Sensible handbag you have a receipt for, check. Appropriate look of stern resolve, check.
Verdict: Not guilty of burglary, but guilty of vandalism and felony.

You can be sure she has the receipts for everything she's wearing.

Phil Spector Murder Trial:
Um... okay.

Note to Phyllis Diller: Check your walk-in closet.
- I think you'll find a wig missing.

While the pocket square is a nice touch... I mean, how could a jury NOT think he was irrational with that hair? Verdict: Guilty of murder. Coincidence?

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I'm a Journalist and standup comic. I create and appear in television and web media. I've been seen on NBC, MSNBC, United Airlines in flight TV. (and some other more unusual fodder, including a 'how-to' video where I teach people how to wrap glassware for moving...I mean, really - it's essentially rolling glasses in paper... you can't make that stuff up!) I own more than two hundred cookbooks, but use the same five all the time, and even those are often abandoned in favor of epicurious.com. I design art and interiors for both friends and actual clients. I've spoken to Major Universities and NYC corporations about media and publicity. I am embarassed by many of the songs on my IPOD, and can't resist a Nacho flavored Slim Jim. I drink up to eight diet cokes a day.