Tom DeLay Has Mercy On Our Souls

His two left feet both done been broken.

Tom DeLay, who dazzled, or rather, horrified us with his dancing, has pulled out of Dancing With The Stars.

Guilty Of Crimes Against Dance.

Stress fractures in both feet, quite possibly God's way of preventing nationwide hysterical blindness in DWTS viewers, have forced DeLay to put his sequined blazers aside and sit out the rest of the competition.

DeLay, who actually appeared visibly shaken and distraught about this withdrawal, was to perform the two-step next week. Host Tom Bergeron offered DeLay the opportunity to perform what I now coin "The Forbidden Dance" during the finale if he is sufficiently healed.

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I'm a Journalist and standup comic. I create and appear in television and web media. I've been seen on NBC, MSNBC, United Airlines in flight TV. (and some other more unusual fodder, including a 'how-to' video where I teach people how to wrap glassware for moving...I mean, really - it's essentially rolling glasses in paper... you can't make that stuff up!) I own more than two hundred cookbooks, but use the same five all the time, and even those are often abandoned in favor of epicurious.com. I design art and interiors for both friends and actual clients. I've spoken to Major Universities and NYC corporations about media and publicity. I am embarassed by many of the songs on my IPOD, and can't resist a Nacho flavored Slim Jim. I drink up to eight diet cokes a day.