Dear Febreze: If It Were Up To You, I Wouldn't Actually Wash Anything.

Dear Febreze,
Thank you for removing a tremendous burden from my life.
Gone are the tiresome days spent picking up my dirty laundry and cleaning it.
Thanks to your product, I can "wash" an entire room with Febreze!!

Moms can take comfort in knowing that those crusty socks at the end of their teen's bed just need a quick spray, and they're good as new!

PS - Women everywhere are looking forward to your douche.

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I'm a Journalist and standup comic. I create and appear in television and web media. I've been seen on NBC, MSNBC, United Airlines in flight TV. (and some other more unusual fodder, including a 'how-to' video where I teach people how to wrap glassware for moving...I mean, really - it's essentially rolling glasses in paper... you can't make that stuff up!) I own more than two hundred cookbooks, but use the same five all the time, and even those are often abandoned in favor of epicurious.com. I design art and interiors for both friends and actual clients. I've spoken to Major Universities and NYC corporations about media and publicity. I am embarassed by many of the songs on my IPOD, and can't resist a Nacho flavored Slim Jim. I drink up to eight diet cokes a day.