Dear Chris Brown,
Your interview with Larry King was a P.R. tour de force! A page ripped right from the book of image repair! Lesson one: Dress the part!
Try my gourmet popping corn!
Never have I been more convinced that Chris is a good guy.
But I can't blame you for trying ... Dressing for success is a pivotal part of sending out the right message. Par example:
Lil' Kim, who gave false testimony to a Grand Jury, clearly got the bowtie memo... Actually, maybe she wrote the bowtie memo! Her pasties set carefully aside on her bedside table, (or at the very least, under this blazer,) a pastel pink suit is a downright delicious outfit for appealing to a Federal Court judge!
The verdict - a year and a day in prison.
I'll have one scoop of tutti-frutti, and one scoop of mint chip.
Winona Ryder shoplifting trial:
Coat securely buttoned all the way up, check. Headband, check. Sensible handbag you have a receipt for, check. Appropriate look of stern resolve, check.
Verdict: Not guilty of burglary, but guilty of vandalism and felony.
You can be sure she has the receipts for everything she's wearing.
Phil Spector Murder Trial:
Note to Phyllis Diller: Check your walk-in closet.
- I think you'll find a wig missing.
While the pocket square is a nice touch... I mean, how could a jury NOT think he was irrational with that hair? Verdict: Guilty of murder. Coincidence?