MGM Grand Hires Negligent Husband and Father to Host Pool Party (Drew Peterson Wasn't Available)

For reasons I can't begin to understand, the MGM Grand in Las Vegas paid actual money for Jon Gosselin, who recently appeared on the cover of Life and Style Weekly with the headline "He's A Dirtbag" to host a pool party. In what is perhaps the smartest move he has made in recent weeks, Gosselin kept his shirt on.

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I'm a Journalist and standup comic. I create and appear in television and web media. I've been seen on NBC, MSNBC, United Airlines in flight TV. (and some other more unusual fodder, including a 'how-to' video where I teach people how to wrap glassware for moving...I mean, really - it's essentially rolling glasses in paper... you can't make that stuff up!) I own more than two hundred cookbooks, but use the same five all the time, and even those are often abandoned in favor of epicurious.com. I design art and interiors for both friends and actual clients. I've spoken to Major Universities and NYC corporations about media and publicity. I am embarassed by many of the songs on my IPOD, and can't resist a Nacho flavored Slim Jim. I drink up to eight diet cokes a day.