This Just In: Don't Believe Anyone When They Tell You ANYTHING

Poor Falcon... he's definitely a victim in all this... God forbid he's every truly swept away in a hot air balloon, because no one will believe him!

His dad, Richard Heene, not so much a victim... but he has accomplished the impossible... making Jon Gosselin look like a good father!

I can only hope he doesn't profit from this.

But the biggest victim is the viewing public... done in by a world where "Candid Camera" and "Punk'd" has blended with real life. There is something sad about living in a time when "the news becomes farce. This whole stunt apparently an effort to create buzz for a 'reality' show.
(Long ago there were things called "documentaries" that tried to capture real moments and real stories...)

I'll get off the soap box now. I'm as much a viewer of the campy deliciousness that is 'reality' television. But when it collides to horrifically with the things I want to believe, it turns me on my ear.

Dear Febreze: If It Were Up To You, I Wouldn't Actually Wash Anything.

Dear Febreze,
Thank you for removing a tremendous burden from my life.
Gone are the tiresome days spent picking up my dirty laundry and cleaning it.
Thanks to your product, I can "wash" an entire room with Febreze!!

Moms can take comfort in knowing that those crusty socks at the end of their teen's bed just need a quick spray, and they're good as new!



PS - Women everywhere are looking forward to your douche.

Liz Taylor Update: She's Having Surgery, Still Wears Blue Eye Shadow, And Uses her Twitter Account More Than Most Of Us.

I do likes me the Liz Taylor, and I hope she emerges from her heart procedure safely.

But I buried the lead: Liz notified the public of her upcoming surgery to fix a leaky valve via her TWITTER account. Um, she's 77. Most 77 year olds I know do not know how to 'run' a computer, let alone have a Twitter account. So rock on, L-Tay.

She also says she will notify her followers of the procedure the minute it's over and she's lucid enough to thumb her way across the tiny keys on her portable computing device.

Tom DeLay Has Mercy On Our Souls

His two left feet both done been broken.

Tom DeLay, who dazzled, or rather, horrified us with his dancing, has pulled out of Dancing With The Stars.

Guilty Of Crimes Against Dance.

Stress fractures in both feet, quite possibly God's way of preventing nationwide hysterical blindness in DWTS viewers, have forced DeLay to put his sequined blazers aside and sit out the rest of the competition.

DeLay, who actually appeared visibly shaken and distraught about this withdrawal, was to perform the two-step next week. Host Tom Bergeron offered DeLay the opportunity to perform what I now coin "The Forbidden Dance" during the finale if he is sufficiently healed.

Note to Jon Gosselin: Nancy Grace will cut you!

Haven't you always wanted SOMEONE to tear Jon a new one?

Score one for Nancy Grace!

I also love watching Lara Spencer try to play nicey nicey mediating the discussion.

100 GREATEST YOUTUBE HITS - The Condensed Version

Need to catch up on the latest in viral videos? Before you look ahead... look back!

This Halloween Costume Ad Just About Sums It Up

First of all - the number one rule of Halloween is that train wrecks make the best costumes!
Enough of you ladies that are doing the 'sexy kitten,' 'sexy bunny,' 'sexy mental-ward patient' (I'm serious! click the link!) or 'sexy afterbirth', or whatever you young kids like to dress up as nowadays.

With that out of the way, take a good gander at the wig offered by buycostumes.com this season.
Who said a halloween costume company can't make some social commentary! More important than the Kate Gosselin-like wig itself is its name! You're right, buycostumes copy editor... Eight IS too much!

Kate would probably agree with you.

In closing - can you imagine having a hairstyle so uniquely narsty that they make a wig after you?
Shout out to future blogger JB for spotting this gem.

Coming soon: a roundup of the most ridonkulous costume ideas this season!!!

Viral Video Meets Design

The newest video to climb the viral video charts is pretty incredible - taking street art to a new level...

Take a look. Awesome.

I Fear I Will Never Win New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I think I'm a relatively funny guy. Then why is it that when I click on the site to try my hand at captioning one of The New Yorker's HIGH-larious cartoons, (ahem) my mind always draws a blank?

I'm stumped.

I got NUTHIN.

Nada.

Zip.

Let's Give Mischa Barton A Break

I know it seems kind of popular to relish in the dramatic life of Mischa Barton - but can I ask WHY? Can we leave this woman alone for a while?

I mean - the past few years have been tough - remember when she was photographed in a swimsuit from 'down below,' and the photo revealed - of all things - what appeared to be cellulite? For those who judge - have you been to a walmart lately? Mischa could spooning cellulite into her coffee and she wouldn't be as appalling as some of the visions you'll see shopping around there.

Now her show, "The Beautiful Life" has been cancelled after two episodes, and some of the gossip mongers are dancing on her grave. I wish they'd just stop.

ps - I saw her on Christopher street the other day and she looked pretty good.

Ah, The Good Old Days of Being Drunk At The New York Times and NBC

Back in the 'olden' days at NBC News, (don't you dare say ten years ago) there used to be a bar on the corner of 30 Rock... right at at sixth avenue and 49th street. In the bar there was a phone line that ran down from the NBC News New York Bureau right to the watering hole... so, say, if there were some sort of drug sting, or riot, or whatever, the phone would ring, and the most sober person in the room would answer the phone to determine what news was happening and how it would be covered. That bar was closed decades ago. Today, my friends, that bar is now a Magnolia Cupcake shop. Now, I like cupcakes as much as anyone else, but I sure wish I worked at NBC during those days.

Apparently, people were equally sauced up at the New York Times.

In this video from bigthink.com, author Gay Talese describes the liquor-drenched newsrooms of The Times in the sixties—where men passed out on typewriters, and no one was quite sure just how the paper actually got out.

Can we bring those days back?

Jon Gosselin Rides ATV, Smokes A Cigarette

I'm not even being ironic. This is the actual headline updating us on the latest from Jon Gosselin.

By clicking here you can see him, um, riding an ATV, and, um, smoking a cigarette.

I think it's official, the story has petered out.




!

In a story that should instead be titled "Justin Guarini Can Afford a Publicist, And Said Publicist Has Sent Out A News Release In Dire Hope Someone Will Notice," Justin Guarini is getting married.

USMAGAZINE.com has learned that he and his lady friend will be getting htched on Saturday.

It's more than a hairstyle. It's a lifestyle.

TREND WATCH: Making Your Baby Dance to Beyonce

There is a new home video exploding on the internet right now.
It's a baby dancing to "Single Ladies" and it truly is hilarious.
And while this video has shot to more than a quarter of a million views in a few days, this is not a new concept for the youtube set... in fact, as evidenced below, babies dancing... specifically to Beyonce, is somewhat of a trend!

The big video first, followed by some more. The older these children get the more disturbing it is that they can shake their asses so effectively.
Parents be forwarned!

Who Wore It Best?

Who wore it best? Victoria Rowell... (above) or... Oh wait, no one else wore this.

I KNOW WHAT YOUR THINKING: after saying to yourself "WHAT?" You're saying - "Who's Victoria Rowell?? She's an actress best known for 'The Young And The Restless" and that old Dick Van Dyke show "Diagnosis Murder." Now she's known for this bad idea of a dress.